Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize