What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
