I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
