I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
