I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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