OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
