I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
