my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
