I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
