so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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