let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
