He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
