Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
