apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
