I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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