He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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