I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
