i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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