Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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