Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize