Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
