Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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