It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize