seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
