YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
