SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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