Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
