you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
