You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
