Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
