Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
