I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
