I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
