was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
