i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
