the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize