Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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