pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
