Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
