My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
