Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
