i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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