I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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