she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize