Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize