if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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