Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This is classic penis vs brain.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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