Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
