Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
