I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
