you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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