Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
