Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
