omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
