just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
