I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
