M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
