I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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