I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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