is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bring me that man meat
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
