I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
is that a dick in a sweater?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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