oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
