I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
