He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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