I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
