I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
