i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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