Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
