I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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