I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
