Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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