You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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