worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
