Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
