All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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