Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And then he peed in my hair
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