Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
