I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
