Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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