Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize