do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
